Still I Love Him
by IseultLaBelle
Summary: "Why is it you know all my embarrassing stories from childhood and I hardly know any of yours?" Alicia, Ethan, a long car journey, and Chelsea Halfpenny's cover of Still I Love Him. Currently a oneshot, potentially a series of conversation-based one shots.


**There is a bit of a story behind this one (you know the drill if you've read my stories before), but you'll really, really like this one, I promise.**

 **Have you ever wished that your favourite actor/singer/whoever would cover your favourite song?**

 **If you've read any of my other stories, you probably know that I'm a bit of a Celtic folk geek. Yesterday I fell down the North East folk singers rabbit hole, and I was downloading a couple of albums by a Newcastle-based folk group, when this popped up in my recommendations, and all my dreams came true.**

 **Basically, it's Chelsea Halfpenny's cover of a very, very Geordie version of one of my favourite non-Irish folk songs, and her voice is BEAUTIFUL. It's called Still I Love Him, and you can find it on itunes or youtube. Like all good folk songs, no one knows quite where or when it comes from, but Chelsea's version is very popular in the North East- the main difference is her husband works in a pit yard- and it has that beautiful time long-ago industrial revolution feel to it. Basically, Chelsea has a surprisingly amazing folk voice and she totally needs to do more.**

 **It's very typical folk-y, and the literal lyrics really don't work for Ethan and Alicia, but it's such a beautiful heartwarming song not so much because of the lyrics but because of the whole message. I've put the chorus as Chelsea sings it at the end.**

 **All you really need to know though is the song is about how you can't choose who you fall in love with, but when you do, all their quirks and imperfections don't matter one iota. And if that isn't perfect for Alicia and Ethan, I don't know what is.**

 **As ever, this can be read as a deleted scene from Avalon a few chapters back, or as a stand-alone.**

 ***also, 'canny' is Geordie slang for nice, good, etc.**

"I was starting to think you'd forgotten," Ethan teases, as the call connects over the hands free.

"Hey, no, I wouldn't forget!" She protests. "You do realise this is the only thing that's got me through my shift today, right? No, emergency in Resus, that's all, didn't escape work until half an hour after my shift. Eight junior rowers and their cox went over the weir down on the River..."

"Jesus, are they...?"

"All fine. Or they will be, anyway, Miracle, I know. We're keeping six of them in overnight, they were hypothermic, one aspiration hypothermia but she's doing fine now. God only knows what the coach was doing taking them out in this weather..."

"Well, the rain's held off until today, hasn't it? Or it has down here, anyway."

Alicia frowns, confused. "What's that got to do with it?"

"From the coach's perspective, it was probably safe to take them out. Inexperienced cox, most likely, perhaps the downpour through them off, but this is the first proper rain we've had in weeks, isn't it? I doubt that stretch of the river was even on yellow boards, or whatever they call it nowadays."

"Who are you, Steve Redgrave?"

He laughs at that. "In my dreams. Cal rowed at school, he signed up just to impress the girl he was angling for at the time, I think."

"Oh my god, that's like, so Berkshire. My school you were lucky if there were enough netballs to go around, let alone fancy rowing equipment."

"Hey, I didn't pick it! Hours of my life, lost sitting around in a boat club car park. Cal volunteered me as cox one summer, I think they were one short. Anyway, it was all going so nicely, I managed to steer them across the Thames without hitting anything, and everything. Then Cal thought it would be funny to get his mates to capsize the boat... you can imagine..."

"And this is why you still detest open water swimming to this day?"

"Yes. Yes, that's why. Are you laughing?"

"Nope." Alicia presses her hand over her mouth for a moment, bites her tongue, desperately trying to suppress it. "Nope, definitely not laughing."

"Why is it you know all my embarrassing stories from childhood and I hardly know any of yours?"

"Because I'm not stupid enough to offer them up like you do," she teases. "Anyway. Enough about work. Did you get some actual fresh air today?"

"Staggered around the garden a couple of times, edited an article out there and everything until my fingers practically froze off..."

"Oh, stop, it's not even that cold out there..."

"Oh my god, that's so Geordie, if we're playing that game. It's been seven degrees here today..."

"Exactly! Spring air, Ethan! I've told you, staying cooped up in your room all day is only going to make you feel worse. We've been through this. You even agreed our Glastonbury Abbey trip made you feel better."

"You're going to be dragging me around the whole of Glastonbury in the name of fresh air when you visit next week, aren't you?"

"Nah, we've seen a lot of Glastonbury now, haven't we? I was thinking Bath, Bath isn't far. I bet you've spent all of five minutes exploring Bath."

"You do realise Bath isn't exactly known for its nice, flat, modern, wheelchair-friendly pavements, right?"

"I can manage."

"Or I could probably..."

"Nope. Nope, you definitely couldn't. I wouldn't have suggested Bath if I wasn't okay with that, Ethan. It's fine. We'll just avoid the really steep hills. We can do the Roman Bath thing, and there's a Jane Austen museum..."

"I never had you down as a Jane Austen fan."

"Are you kidding? I love Jane Austen. Okay, so the films. Never read the books, I did try, but they were a bit hard-going for me. Unless you've got a better idea? I considered Cardiff, but that's a bit more of an overnight trip, I think..."

"Alicia..."

"It's a Huntington's inpatient clinic, Ethan, not a prison. I'm pretty sure you can just leave for a couple of days whenever you feel like it, provided you aren't going to try and run the Glastonbury Road Run, or something stupid like that. I'm pretty sure because Kerry on reception told me. In mild cases. That's what she said. One overnight trip will be fine."

He pauses, and for one horribly long moment, Alicia worries she's pushed him too far.

"So what's in Cardiff, then?"

She smiles. "Not really looked into it yet, to be honest. Just thought it was a decent distance, you know? Far enough it's something different, but close enough the journey isn't going to wear you out before we even get there."

"Is this all part of your grand plan to rehabilitate me?"

"I don't believe for a moment you need to be in that place just yet," Alicia tells him honestly. "Not full time. Not yet. We could manage perfectly well at home. It's still your home, Ethan..."

"And when I have bad days, when my coordination's shot and I'm tremouring like there's no tomorrow and..."

"We'd cope. It'd be a whole lot better than coping by yourself in that place, you know it would. I could..."

"And when you're working?"

"Do you really expect me to believe you're needing constant care in that place, even on bad days?"

"Well..."

"Exactly. I trust you more than I trust Bea, I'm still amazed she never actually succeeded in burning my kitchen down when she was living here. We could look into respite options, if it worries you that much. There are options, Ethan. That's all I'm trying to say. I know your place is good, I'm not doubting that. I just wonder whether you really need to be there."

"I'm going to need to be in a specialist clinic at some point in the future, Alicia, I refuse to go down like my... like Emily did. I can't do that to you and..."

"I know. But that's in the future, Ethan. A long way in the future, by the sounds of it; I've spoken to your consultant. So there's no point thinking about that just yet, is there? It's going to happen. I know that. I know there isn't anything we can do about it. So let's just make the most of the time we still have before that happens."

He's silent again, hesitant, when at last he replies. "I know you're right…"

"But?"

"… Every time I try to go out and do something… normal… it just reminds me how much I can't do already, how much worse it's going to get…"

"I know," Alicia says softly. "I know. But… look, we can't change that. But we can try and focus on the things you can do, not the things you can't. Your life doesn't have to be over just because you've got Huntington's, Ethan. Not unless you want it to be."

"I don't deserve you, darling."

"Well, you know. I try. But in all seriousness, Ethan, yes. Yes, you do. You deserve to be happy. Look, I'm sorry, I'm at Ruby's now, I need to go and…"

"Oh, no, it's alright. It's alright, I understand."

"I'll call you tomorrow, yeah? I'm working tonight, but I'll call you when I finish? Same sort of time, eight am ish?"

"You don't have to, Leesh, if you want to just go home and sleep then I'll…"

"Hey, I want to, okay? I want to. I love you. No matter what."

"I love you, too," Ethan whispers, voice tremors just a little, though there's a lightness there too that wasn't there before, not as though he hasn't noticed, but as though it doesn't bother him just now, not as much as it did before. "Always."

 _'Still I love him, canny laddie,_

 _I'll go with him wherever he goes.'_

 _-Still I Love Him, Anon._

 **I wrote this on the train to and from class today while listening to the song on repeat a few times and then emailed it to myself when I got home, so if you would like more chapters of this (they would be oneshot-style), please do let me know, train journey entertainment is never a bad thing! If you have any requests I'll also give them my best shot.**

 **Reviews would be wonderful, (and even if you hate all my Avalon music, you should totally give this a go- it's Chelsea's singing, after all ;) )**

 **-IseultLaBelle x**


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